Ellen Kirschman, Ph.D.

Nothing worth doing is easy--and that includes loving a cop. Being a member of the law enforcement community is a source of pride for officers and familis alike. But long hours, unpredictable shifts, and the crisis-driven nature of the profession can turn life on the home front into an emotional roller coaster ride. Dr. Ellen Kirschman, a psychologist who's worked with police officers for more than 20 years, gives you practical ways to deal with the challenges that come with the territory. Packed with stories from cops and their significant others, it explains how to reduce spillover from on-the-job stress and cope with loneliness or worry during extended deployments. Dr. Kirschman acknowledges the rough realities of post-9/​11, post-Katrina law enforcement, and she offers frank, realistic suggestions for handling serious issues like alcohol abuse and domestic violence. She also covers special topics for women and minorities on the force. Whether you read it from cover to cover or reach for it when problems arise, "I Love a Cop" is an indispensable tool that everyone in your family can depend on.

Will police work change the person you love? Are police marriages destined to fail? What are the chances of your loved one being killed in the line of duty? Separating fact from myth, Dr. Ellen Kirschman answers these and other critical questions in the first comprehensive self-help book created specifically for today's police families. In information-filled chapters, readers will go behind the scenes with other police families as they discuss the benefits and pitfalls of police work; learn how to manage the effects of organizational stress and the pressures of unpredictable schedules, long hours and loneliness; gain awareness of the emotional, physical, and behavioral warning signs which can lead to such extreme situations as posttraumatic stress, alcoholism, suicide and domestic violence; find out where families can go for help and counseling; and get an inside look at cop couples and the special challenges facing women, minorities, and gays and lesbians on the force.

"I Love a Cop" has sold more than 85,000 copies and is used by hundreds of police academies, spousal academies and departments around the country. It has been translated into Chinese.

Readers' Reviews
"Everyone needs to read Ellen Kirschman's book I Love a Cop!" Buck Savage aka Dave Smith. 2011.

"Your book has already been a god send for me....The book has really helped me realize what both of us need to be prepared for in the future....Eventually I hope he will have the time to read the book himself, but for me, I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am to you for writing this book. It has truely given me some very much needed information which has led me to gaining more confidence in myself and in our relationship...."2011.

"We share information about your outstanding book, I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need to Know, with our Field Training Officer and Supervisor students via PowerPoint presentation. I sure wish your book was around 42 years ago when I hit the beat! My wife and I made certain our Daughter-in-Law got a copy when our youngest son followed me into the family business. Your ears must have been burning a week ago. Betsy Smith was instructing the Street Survival Seminar in Minneapolis and I was up the street instructing Field Training Officer candidates so we hooked up for dinner and your book came up during the conversation! We're both huge fans and will always work hard to get the word out. You made a difference and that message needs to be shared." Bruce Sokolove, aka Coach Sok, Law Enforcement Consultant, 2011.

"I just wanted to thank you for this book. I was given this book by my police Chaplin and my wife and I read it. This book helped my wife understand why I do things at home and what I have to deal with at work that nobody outside of law enforcement knows about or understands. Being in law enforcement for over twenty years...there were parts of the book that even made me understand about how I react to things while working and at home. I highly recommend this book to all law enforcement families whether new officers, newly married officers or officers that have been working for years." 2011

"I write this e-mail because my wife just left me....We have attended counseling sessions....but we were unable to locate the cause of my anger. I purchased your book....on a whim as I did not think work could have been the cause. I was wrong. Your work has helped to save me....I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the work you have done. I have a long path to take until I am finished, but for the first time in years, I feel as though the sun is shining and that I there is hope for me." 2011.

"I recommend this book to all police families to be read and referenced throughout their law enforcement journey. The clear and concise chapters in I Love a Cop: What Police Families Need to Know are intriguing and the insight that the discussions have to offer spouses is phenomenal. Use this book as a gift for a friend, use it as a guide for yourself, and most of all, use it as a handbook for the tough yet rewarding career in law enforcement." From a review on www.BlueBadgeDispatch.com, 2011.

"I just finished your book, I Love a Cop, and thought it was right on target. I am a 20+ year veteran police officer’s wife who has also worked in law enforcement.... I would like your blessing to use some of the curriculum pieces on www.policefamilies.com to add into my 2 hour [family] session.... I love the Family Care Package idea and am working with our deputy’s association on funding a copy of your book for each cadet." DB, 2011

"I have been using I Love a Cop in my graduate course, the Culture of Law Enforcement. Your book is very popular with the students, particularly with cops." Steven A. Egger, Ph.D. Associate Professor of Criminology, University of Houston. 2011.

"I received your book after my husband retired....I found the book was very enlightening and wished I had had it to refer to from the beginning of my life with my police officer husband." DL, 2011.

"I have to tell you, I love your book...I am currently assigned to...the 'Employee Services Unit' - a full time Peer Support Unit. We are looking into buying several of your books... to provide to our employees." KS, 2010.

"Thanks for I LOVE A COP. It changed my life forever and made me a better Deputy Sheriff, Father and person. I recommend I LOVE A COP to any law enforcement colleague I talk to who might have family issues, stress, or personal problems on and off the job. I tell them my story and how your book helped me during my divorce so I didn't become a casuality on the job or off...I think all officers... would benefit from your tremendous knowledge, insight, and observations that police officers can use to overcome the psychological hazards of the job for the benefit of themselves, their families, and their departments...Thank you so much for all that you do, and what you have done for me." WF, 2010.

"I have so enjoyed your book. I know it has blessed many spouses." AF, Tacoma Police Family Association, 2010.

" I purchased your book a few years ago. My husband is a police officer and I have recently started a spousal support group for law enforcement families...We have at least 15 in our group at this time ...[and] everyone is very interested in getting a [your book]. Thanks so much for writing the book and for your help." SS 2010.

"I first read your book years ago and have since recommended it for all of our newly hired officers plus those I speak to in the police academy....Your work will help keep cop-families together." JG 2009.

"...These [book] reviews [are] a huge, well deserved 'standing ovation' for one of the best books out there on the police experience. I've promoted it every chance I've had and I put you among the top authors in the field. I've gotten puzzled looks from cops and applicants asking for a good book on police work--the title throws them until I tell them it's a 'must read' for anyone even remotely associated with law enforcement." Andy O'Hara, Badge of Life, 2009.

"I want you to know I love your book, and will ensure [that] if I ever get married again, [my wife-to-be will] read this book first. I truly wish I had someone like you to talk to in my office." CL, 2009.

"I just finished reading "I Love A Cop" for the second time. Thank you for all of the hard work and insight that went into providing such a wonderful resource for wives." VR, 2009

"I have read your book numerous times during the course of my career as a police officer and found it to be an excellent resource." AW 2009

"This book is as necessary for the overall survivial of our law enforcement officers as their vests and safety tactics. The realities of the job have changed in the post-9/​11 world, and the revised edition arrives just in time." Kevin Gilmartin, Ph.D. author of Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement.

"I cannot tell you how helpful your book is... My cop and I read it out loud to each other and I also read it with my parents and discussed pretty much each paragraph. KS, 2009.

"I forgot to mention how true your books rang... It's clear that you have captured the essence and of and issues about the profession." Ralph Mroz, Peace Officers Safety Association. 2009

"As an Employee Assistance Counselor working with first responders I frequently refer family members to your book " I Love A Cop" (revised) and am grateful for the resource." CR 2009

"I'm the Treasurer of my Police Union and I recently met you at a Conference. After being coached into purchasing your book, I Love a Cop, I have began reading it...your book provides a powerful message for those persons who are currently police officers and their respective families and those that want to be and will be hired as police officers and their respective families. I just left my Union Board Meeting and after a vote with no challenges, I have enticed the Union Board to present future officers with their own copy of your book for them and their families. Please advise if you have a contact that would help us become bulk owners for these invaluable gifts." ET, 2009

"I first read I Love a Cop in 1998/​1999. I have read it at least 3 times and often dust it off when troubled for I am married to a .... Trooper. I have found that your book often gives vocabularly to my experience and have found comfort and validation with it. Thank you for having the passion to provide support to such a needy population." JE 2009

"Helpful and right on point." AA 2009

"Wish I had read something like this 35 years ago!!!! Great book." Jimmy Smith, Host "Let's Talk Justice, America." 2009

"I recently read your book, “I Love a Cop” and I thought it was absolutely wonderful. I am a cop and I happen to love one also....My department offeres a stress awareness class to spouses and family members. We purchase the revised edition of your book and provide it to all family members who attend....We receive great feedback." SH 2009

"I've read your book and it has helped me enormously with my boyfriend! I think your book is amazing and I'm so glad I found it! .... all rookie's should be required to read it. My boyfriend is a Narcotics detective. We've been together for over a year and while we are both dedicated to making our relationship work." BK 2009

"I first read your "I love a cop" book in 1998/​1999. I have read it at least 3 times and often dust it off when troubled....your book often gives vocabularly to my experience and I have found comfort and validation with it. Thank you for having the passion to provide support to such a needy population. After several extremely rocky years that nearly ended in divorce my husband and I have overcome the obstacles that burdened us and have renewed our marriage with strength and wisdom, and most importantly, effective communication. I wish that all police academies mandated that your book be read by recruits and spouses." JE, 2009

"I currently teach a Police Stress course to 45 undergraduate law enforcement students and your text is required reading material for the class. I just wanted to say thank you for all of your work and for writing such a wonderful book and textbook. After working as a police officer for 18 years, I can personally identify with almost every facet of your book. In particular, your material on growing old in the profession and organizational stress were excellent. Your material is presented in such a way that both officers and their families could benefit from reading it. I have suggested to all of my students that this is a text they keep for their personal library and reflect back on it over the course of their career, along with their spouse and family members. I believe this book can save marriages, families, and lives. Police stress is too overlooked in our society and I am so grateful for people like you who choose to address it! Now if we could just get organizations to understand the family aspect of law enforcement, the world would be a much better place." CD 2009

"I recently discovered your book...I love it! It is exactly what I have been looking for...My boyfriend is in the academy and your book assures me that our problems are so text-book and common....Thank you for your time and your help." EM

"I am a state trooper who recently read your book....I consider it to be quite possibly my 'bible' as it is the most applicable body of work I have encountered...." P.P.

"It can really open your eyes to what friends or loved ones are going through, and feeling...If you are looking for a way to understand the law enforcement officers psyche better, this book is it." Rebecca Bilbrey, Cops Wives website

"Masterful....A survivial manual for those who choose policing as their life work....This is an important book to read for young people who are contemplating a police career." Criminal Justice Review

"This should be required reading for all recruits and their families." Capt. Al Benner (ret.), Ph.D. 30-year veteran, San Francisco Police.

"When I was Police Chief in Toronto, every graduating police officer received a copy of "I Love a Cop." This is a 'must read' for all progressive police leaders who really care about officers and their families." David Boothby, Chief of Police (ret.) Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

"I am married to a police officer who was in a critical incident...I have searched for books on the impact an incident such as this has on a family and on the spouse....The best information I found was in your book. It helped me to realize my feelings aren't uncommon." A.P.